It's Been a Rough Week

Well, on the surface it's been great. We had a hurricane a few days ago - the biggest storm of my lifetime - and my house never even lost power. I'm doing some photography, my daughter started a new job where she gets to work with - and spend more time with - her brother, whom she loves. I finished a couple huge projects at work. Sounds good.

So what's been bad? I still haven't mastered the habit of not worrying about something before it can even happen (or not). I'm much better at it than I used to be, and having a little worry facilitates things like, oh, hurricane preparedness, for example. All the kids toys got put in the barn, and yes, they could have blown around, though probably not away or into anyone's windows. We brought a cord of wood inside before it started raining. We took the bike to Gram's to store in the garage so it wouldn't blow over or away. The tub was filled and I even remembered to ready actually-clean water for the animals.

I like this image. I chose it as my first contest entry.

But for some reason, it's been a low week for pictures. This is me not just worrying about something before it happens, but being sure it's going to happen and so not even taking a chance (see previous post). Though I'm pretty happy with my anxiety meds, I was driving a week or so ago and suddenly got the flash thought, "My pictures really suck." It was a throwback from the old days when my generalized anxiety disorder pretty much ruled, and though it's an improvement for me to realize that, it still isn't going away. Why would anyone want to buy my photos? And they haven't, so am I being a pessimist, or a realist? Or am I just being impatient?

 In order to keep up the flow and stay positive, I entered two mini-competitions on one of my favorite photography websites, Cambridge in Color. The first, I lost miserably but decided that it may not be that crowd's style and immediately entered another with one of my best (in my opinion) images and one that I thought was more suited for the site, and am currently losing in this one as well. While I am not crushed and while I can totally rationalize how (no, the images just weren't as good at the voters thought the others were) why it is happening (I have never asked for non-loved-ones critiques on my work and these were my first two competition posts) I still wish they had done better.

A couple weeks ago, I donated a mini-photo session and print to an antique car show. It took me longer to ready the shots for viewing once I took them than I wanted it to and one of my ADD snafus blew the timing a little, but I finally posted them. I know (or maybe I just think I know) that the recipients have seen the photos, but they haven't banged down my door to get the prints they won. In my infinite wisdom, I have decided that that means they don't like any of them. Really, though, we did just have a hurricane. Maybe they don't even have power.

This is the image I thought would do better in the second contest.

I have a local gift store owner who is waiting for me to deliver some framed photos so she can offer them for sale. I haven't done it yet. I'm getting cold feet. Luckily, we had a hurricane and I can sort of still use that as an excuse for my delay, but that is expiring fast. I find myself trying to create a perfect scenario so that she will sell everything I give her. Hey, Me, please go back and read previous posts regarding perfectionism vs. the serendipitous things that can happen when you just make a break for it without knowing what the hell you're doing.

Yes, this morning it's time to get in the car and head to Danielson after a quick stop at the furniture polish store and the frame store. If she has nothing to sell, she won't sell anything. Also on my list, email my session winners and ask when and what I can deliver. Freezing like a deer in the headlights is not going to help, though I did quickly sew a set of penguin-covered foot pajamas for one of my sons this week when I felt like I was a failure at photography. He should really like them. At least something good came of my bad week.