What Does it Mean to See?

As a photographer, one looks, frames, considers... I've been thinking about how much time and money I want to invest in photography. Do I want it to pay me back? Do I want to build up my equipment in hopes of selling more pictures? What do I do with the thousands of pictures I already have? Why haven't I printed more pictures and why aren't they hanging up in my house? Can I make a living doing this some day? What do I tell my students who want to become photographers?

Then I am confronted with a beautiful photograph, most unexpectedly. In a setting where I am not expecting to even be looking at photographs. Almost excused away by a brush-off comment, though maybe as a way to protect the self. And as part of a collection of photographs, just "pictures I took of myself... I wanted to try it. They are nudes, but nothing is showing..."

Flesh, metal and glass. The photographer hiding from view in this one, shielded by the camera which does the seeing for her. Legs - tripod, human - intertwined. Fingers curled around the camera, almost clawing, caught in the act of arresting the moment for those not present. And everything dependent on a mirror which sees but cannot be seen.

What to make of it? I want to buy it, but do I need to? I can still see it. And it wasn't offered for sale, only as evidence of a private, courageous moment. So true, for the photographer. For me, the viewer, a hopeful student of the art, something different altogether. In this photograph I read the Photographer's struggle to display, to hide, to check, to capture, to reveal, to pose, to reflect, to measure, to learn, to grow... And now, a few days later, what am I left with? Inspiration? A new benchmark? Alas, more questions. But I know for sure that this was an amazing photograph.

Drowning!

Yes, I'm doing it again. I often do this - I get excited about something, give myself too many choices, make things too complicated, try to start in the middle instead of the beginning, then quit.

Well, I haven't quit yet. And I'm glad. I really want to make this work.

Ok, so what have I done so far? Let's start with what I wanted to do.

"1. Print some photos. (I could break this step down into about 10. Let's just say for now that I will probably use my Zenfolio account to print them so they are professionally done and won't fade like the ones I print myself. Also, before I even print them I'd want to take some specifically for selling on my parents' hay farm. I have some like this already, but a few more probably wouldn't hurt.)
2. Find (online) materials I can use to matte and package them.
3. Make business cards. I wonder if Zenfolio has a link for that.
4. Figure out how to price my pics. I don't want to start too low."

I skipped #1. It's too complicated right now.

For #2 I found www.clearbags.com. I spent a day hemming and hawing about what to order. I was set on a basic mounting kit for 8x10s (with matte boards, backer boards, hinge tape and mounting corners), when I got to the checkout and discovered that there was a minimum order (if I didn't want to pay a service fee), and that my shipping was going to cost over $15! I did a quick search of Michael's and Staples to see if they had the kind of art bags I needed and didn't see them. Then, as usual, I changed my mind and instead of going with mattes, I scaled down the packaging and got bags that just fit the photos, without mattes. I nixed the hinge tape and mounting corners, but got bags and backs for three sizes of photos instead of just 8x10s. Then I ordered them! Then they came in the mail!! Then it took me 10 minutes to open the box (granted, I was using scissors instead of a box knife to cut the tape) and I wondered if the whole idea was crazy. Once I got the box (it was actually two taped together, which had been part of the problem) open, it was like Christmas! All these art supplies. Time to get moving.

#3 My business cards are printing as I type. And I'm proud of them. They almost got the best of me, but I didn't let them. Earlier today, as I sat down to get #3 done, I started flooding myself. Business cards... I had already bought the paper, now I needed a template. Should be easy, I've done it before. Wasn't. Now the flooding: Publisher has a place for a logo. I don't have a logo. Maybe my son can design one. How much should I pay him? What if I don't like it? What about my daughter, who is planning on going to college (next year!) to study art therapy? Should she make the logo? What about the font? It should say something about me. What should it say? I thought I wanted it to be formal but I'd go to work (at my day job as a teacher) in jeans and bare feet if they'd let me. Surely if my business card was formal and a client met me in person they would think I was a fraud. I tried out some fonts. I built, in my head, an advisory board of everyone I know whose opinion I would value about my personality and art. I set up tiers of assistance so that my boss, whose daughter went to art school, didn't have to come to all the meetings... I think I'll call the weather service and ask them to give a name to this flood that I made all over my computer station. (Deep breath here. Breathe.)

#4 I tossed around some ideas about how to price my photos. I was thinking $10 for a 4x6, $15 for a 5x7 and $20 for an 8x10. Nice and simple. Then I considered that I might give a free 4x6 of the same print to everyone who buys an 8x10. What would they do with a duplicate photo? Give it away, of course! Along with my business card, which will be packaged inside.

To be honest, I did do some work with the actual photos today. I uploaded more to Zenfolio. But I think I did too many. I am going to take some down, because they are not all fantastic pics. If I'm not going to print them to sell, they shouldn't be up. I also uploaded some to Snapfish. Prints on Snapfish are much cheaper, and since it's been a while since I've logged on they were trying to entice me with 50 free 4x6 prints. I couldn't figure out how to redeem my 50 prints and it annoyed me until I figured out they were only going to cost me $4.50. But again, I didn't order any because I want to limit the prints I'm offering at first and I'm not sure which ones I like best yet.

Oh! And two people besides my mother have checked out the Zenfolio site! They both signed on within two days of when I put it up. No one has looked at the site since, though. But two people!

So I have 30 business cards and enough materials to package 100 4x6s, 100 5x7s and 75 8x10s. Now I just need pictures!