My New Bio

This morning I wrote a new bio for Saturday's cafe grand opening. I know that bios are usually written in the third person, but I also know that the bio-ees are usually the ones who write them and to me that adds a layer of mystery that seems counter-intuitive to helping people get to know me. Maybe I will change my mind when the editor of National Geographic writes a third-person bio about me to go with my one-woman spread!

Anyway, the bio I wrote follows. I hope it's ok.

Can you tell my daughter
 (used to my camera)
 from my niece (not so much yet)?

 Do you have teenagers? I do. Actually, my oldest is turning 21 in a few weeks. When kids are little, they love being photographed. Get them little enough (as we often do) and they have no say in the matter. But have you experienced that turning point where they suddenly start to put their hands over their faces, turn away, or, if caught by the camera, give you the eye-roll? It can be frustrating, but I have learned that persistence helps. Simply keep shooting. Eventually, they have to come out of their rooms or their teachers will start to miss them.

"Is she shooting?" "Yes,
she has been all day. Who cares?"

That's what I did. I have taken well over a thousand (according to my directory) pictures of each of my six kids. What is interesting for people outside my immediate family, though, is the other photos I was shooting in between, during photo sessions that still managed to get on my kids’ nerves. Imagine happily riding down the road, minding your own business in the backseat, when the brakes come on for no apparent reason and you have to sit by the side of the road for 10 minutes, or, in winter, until Mom can’t feel her fingers anymore.

Willington, CT. No kids in the
backseat that day, but you get the picture.

Taking this many photos, I have been able to capture a few good ones that I love to share. Despite how much I love the challenge of capturing what I see and being able to show it to others, I love even more to have conversations about photography. That’s how we all learn. And when my 12 year old asks if he can take some pictures with my $600 camera, I say yes. He has earned it.

On the Eve of the Test

This weekend and next are my first two big photography business tests: a vendor site at a local fall community event and a grand opening of a cafe that will display and sell my photographs!

Looking back over my blog, it is unclear how I got here. I have made deliberate steps, but it still seems like luck. Suddenly, a friend was opening a new cafe, and as I encouraged her to take the leap, my confidence for her rubbed off on me. I offered my art as display and now I am poring over images and searching the web for information that will help me create a package that her customers will enjoy. As I geared up for the reality of a potential pay-gig, I got a Facebook invite to a first-ever event in the town where I work. When my mom invited me, she probably meant for me to go as a visitor, but then an announcement came for free vendor spaces. What did I have to lose? I emailed for more information and then, amazingly, continued to follow up and am going to attend, no matter what!

My Grandmother's Dream Promotional Materials

I have set goals for myself for both events. At Harvest and Hops in Danielson, my main goal is to start a conversation about photography. I have visited many a photography display, and though it does not come naturally to me as an introvert, I don't remember ever feeling compelled by the display or the artist to really have a discussion. I learn when I ask questions about and discuss photography, so that is my goal. I am also hoping to bring together a decent-looking display - you know, photography being visual and all. I have borrowed a canopy (that took all of a six minute wait after posting a request on FB) and a generator to run lights and a slide show on my laptop. I have pumpkins on lend and am waiting to hear about mums. I know my photos are good, but I don't know how much they might be worth to strangers, so I will try it and find out.

Hebron, CT

At the cafe, it will be my goal to listen closely to what patrons say about the cafe, which is in the original grocery store building, and what they say about the town. Last week, when I was there taking photos of the cafe and the surrounding scenery, a man stopped in. While the owners, Jessica and Ross Dapsis, were lumbering a refrigerator down the stairs from the second-floor apartment, I got to hear wonderful stories of his childhood, Hebron, and what he remembers about the room we were standing in. What a treat! I'm hoping that my photos will help draw customers to my friends' cafe, and for that to happen, I need to learn as much as I can about them.

I am now going to cross my fingers: in about two weeks, I should have some idea as to whether my friends - and my mom - are just being nice!

Free Learning Opportunities Abound

One thing that's been happening
is the heat. These geese know

where to go.

I love learning. I had a goal to do a Marketing class online, and I did it. Marketing was relatively easy for me because of my psychology background. However, today, without the help of any free resource whatsoever, I learned a very quick and practical lesson: I learned that PST is three hours later than I thought it was - well, if I'd have noticed that the online "Selling Your Work" webinar said PST and not EST, I would have known it was going to be at 2:00, my time, and not 11:00. So really, I learned to read more-carefully. But now I have a few extra minutes to write about what's been happening around here.

To put it simply, I've been very busy just soaking in information. There are so many free resources out there for learning about business and about photography. The Metrix classes have been great so far. I have been taking notes and being serious about every word, so I am learning a lot. I have completed three business-related classes and am now working on my first photography class.

Another good resource for learning about a photography business is Zenfolio. I'm waiting (sheepishly) for my 2:00 EST (11:00 PST) webinar on selling my work on Zen. I hope they also incorporate bringing in Facebook and other tools to strengthen exposure to my "business". I'm very tempted to shell out $120 to upgrade my Zen account so I can make a profit from selling prints there, but maybe I should wait until I actually sell a print - or better yet, make back the $40 I spent on the more-basic account that I already have there. Maybe I can sell a few things before the August renewal date comes up.

The last free-learning mention of the day goes to Cambridge in Color. This is an amazing website that has tutorials on just about every photography subject imaginable. The guys who put it together are professionals and are visible in the forums, setting up contests and just generally being helpful. This is my go-to site for learning about my camera and photography in general.

Speaking of Cambridge, I am off to see if the private message waiting for me is from them. I asked about them offering a calendar showing their various contests. I want to start entering them, not just on Cambridge, and my global learning style begs me to have a more-centralized listing so I can find what I need easily.

More on contests later. Meanwhile, check out my Zenfolio page here.

Metrix

At the end of my last post, I vowed to start learning more about photography and about business. I had signed up for a free workshop that would give me access to 7000 free courses, many of them on business topics. So, Thursday, I did my Metrix workshop. I signed up to get my license and I chose my first three classes. I choose Achieving Goals through Perseverance and Resilience, Competitive Factors in Strategic Marketing, and Improving Your Image. The way it works is, you take the workshop and then they have to set up your account for you - they email your login information to you. I was concerned that it would take a few days to get my account and I would lose my momentum, but when I checked my email Thursday night, my info was ready!

I quickly logged in and started my first class - the goals one - and I quickly learned my first Metrix lesson: I suck at it. I'm not sure why. But I ended up writing down the answers and using the cheat sheet to get a high enough percentage to finally pass the damn course. What Metrix estimated as a one hour course took me almost two. Looking back, I realize that my problem started when I launched a test very early in the course and became discourage after doing poorly - I didn't realize that it was a pre-test. Also, the questions weren't simple. I had to carefully read every question and then every answer, and often I never was able to figure out exactly why some of my answers were wrong and the ones they liked were right. I think I may have been reading too much or too little into the questions - sometimes the answers I liked could have been good ones, but I was working in peripheral information and "possibilities" that, because they weren't covered by the course, weren't accepted. For example, I thought it would boost the success rate of one's goal to tell co-workers about it. Personally, I think it would help me. But Metrix said not to go boasting to others about a goal when it's not anyone else's business but yours. So my course meta-think brings me this: pay attention to the course roadmap and take into consideration each and every word in all questions AND answers. What did I learn from the course content? In the four-step process to overcome obstacles, I have only ever done the first step, which is to recognize the situation. Actually, part of step one is not taking obstacles personally. Fail. When the thing doesn't work, I just shit-can the whole thing. So of course I haven't ever gotten to step two, which is to "maintain a positive attitude... control any negative reactions... avoid making self-defeating assumptions about your abilities... challenge pessimistic beliefs... focus on successes..." and the final thing I've never done (see previous post!)... "Remember that one failure doesn't mean your goal is no longer valid or possible." Um... no wonder.

For now, my new goal is to not take obstacles personally: that's part of step one. So right now, I'm going to start my second course. I think I'll do the Marketing class. It's only two and a half hours long instead of three like the other one, and the other one looks sort of personal. I don't know if I'm ready for that yet. I just want to talk about a process right now and not about myself. Wish me luck.

Treat Me Right

What do I need to do in order to succeed with finally starting a new, small, photography business? I'm going to try this.

I'm going to coach myself like I would my adult education students. If I even thought to myself, at work, "You are such a loser for quitting school years ago - why are you bothering to show up today?" I would very quickly have no more students. They would be able to smell that a mile away and they would scatter. I am not going to do that to myself anymore. I am going to remind myself of all my students who somehow managed to graduate despite barriers that I probably will never have to encounter. My main barrier is simply a lack of confidence, not the homelessness, hunger, domestic violence, etc., that my students have to deal with every day.

I am going to begin writing something about photography as often as I can - every day if possible, but if I don't do it every day that's ok. Also, this afternoon I am attending a workshop where I will get a free Metrix license. Metrix is an online learning system with nearly 7000 courses related to business, IT, and even some photo stuff. Again, I have had a Metrix license at least twice before and never took advantage of it - maybe because I just needed to call and get one, because of where I work. Today I am attending the workshop like a regular person to pay my dues and today I am going to choose my first three courses, the first of which I am going to start tomorrow.

Also tomorrow, I am going to write about my Metrix workshop and the courses I will take. For now, it's off to chores, a Home Depot run, and then shopping for my daughter's graduation!

Let's Make a List

If I am going to make this photography business work, I need to remember what I'm good at. Let's make a list.

• I am pretty good at composing a photo.
• I enjoy seeing my images printed.
• I enjoy taking the photographs - looking for beautiful things AND discovering how I can make regular things look beautiful or compelling.
• I enjoy feedback I get for my photos that turn out well.
• I enjoy making people feel good by showing them my photos (or something like that).
• I could use extra money, but also could wait until I could count on that income on a regular basis.
• I have much of the equipment I would need to get started.
• I love learning new things (and have plenty to learn, starting with technical aspects of the equipment I already have).
• I know how to access the information I need to move forward.
• I have been recognized where I work for my photography skills, even though I'm not a "photographer" there.
• My employer has used at least one of my photos (taken at work, on company time) in promotional materials - ie, I have the beginnings of a portfolio.

Seems solid. What's holding me back?

• I hold fast to an illogical argument that, because I am not already a professional photographer, I can never be a professional photographer.
• Um...

Everything else I can think of falls into that category. 

What if my students thought that way? Let's think about this for a moment. They would be no-where. They would be doomed to live the lives of non-high school graduates who really want to be high school graduates. They would have to click "less than high school diploma" their whole lives. A couple weeks ago, I saw dozens of students proudly march across that stage - mothers with little babies; men who had been in prison; individuals who were, quite literally, homeless; all of them - every one of them - people who had already "failed" at education at least once. Education was hard for them - not their strength - yet there they were, smiling as they got their diplomas. All done. Successful. Thirty percent planning - already - to go to college. To keep going to school! Who knows if they actually got the hang of it after a while, or if they just decided they had to keep going and were going to do it no matter what. 

I want to be strong like them. I want to do something that is hard. (I would prefer it not be so hard, but it is and I want to do it, so I want to do something hard.) My two Master's degrees look, to outsiders, amazing. Very few people have one advanced degree, let alone two. Yes, they were somewhat a logistical miracle to accomplish, especially the first one, when I did the first year pregnant and parenting a toddler and the second year with a toddler and a newborn. And I wasn't able to get funding so as to not have student loan payments until I die. But it wasn't HARD. And I loved it. I love school. I love it to the point where, these days, I realize that the second Master's was done to escape my rotten marriage. It sucked up all my attention, which was what I needed at the time, I guess. 

Now it's time to do something hard. 

I'm Not Giving Up

Many times, I have had every intention of sitting down and starting my DAILY blog about my booming photography business (that I don't have yet). Many times, I have restarted. That means that I had stopped previously. Many times - in fact, every time - I have admonished myself for not trying hard enough, for not being consistent, for not "just doing it". No patience. Just a lot of trash talk.

If a student disses him or herself, I may very likely roll up a piece of paper and whack that person on the shoulder with it (slowly, while carefully watching their face - only smiling people get whacked!). If I diss myself, I take it as gospel and decide I'm worthless. Why is that?

I was a successful student. I got decent (not great) grades in high school, and did even better in college - my enormous student loan payments attest to the fact that I have three degrees - two Master's. What I suck at, so far, is starting a photography business. It's just not something I'm good at, so I chisel that "fact" in stone and give up. I took a photography class as a high school student - I didn't have time in my schedule, so my mom paid for me to take a class on weekends at the local community college. I didn't get far, though, because there was a creeper in the class and I didn't like being in the darkroom with him. What did I do? I quit, I'm sure with out telling anyone about that guy. I just gave up.

But I keep coming back to photography, and not just as a hobby - why? There must be something in it for me. 

Starting Again

A couple weeks ago, I attended the graduation ceremony at the organization where I teach. Seventy six students marched across the stage and received their high school diplomas-certainly a momentous occasion in anyone's life, but for these folks it was especially wonderful.

I teach in an adult education program. Each of these students was disenfranchised in some way by the public school system and they all finished their secondary education with us instead. Some left school as soon  as they turned 16 (or more recent ones, 17, as the law has now changed). Some left with only a few weeks left in their senior year - some even sat for the full 12 years and ended up as little as a half credit short of graduating. Some stopped attending around 8th grade, and some were squeezed out of learning in elementary school by a too-fast curriculum and then passed along until they could officially drop out. Graduates ranged from 17 or 18 years old to grandparents - people in their 50s and 60s.

One of the reasons why I am good at what I do in my day job is that I am able to greet each new student as a capable human being, despite what may be strong evidence to the contrary. I don't care what problems they may have eventually caused after years of struggling in a school system that wasn't right for them. I don't care if they are with me because they choose school over juvie. I don't care if they have pending court dates. I don't care how many times they have tried to start with adult education and then dropped off the face of the earth before returning - the average record for adult education students is that they will graduate upon their third re-start. That means that, for each student who is successful on their first try, others will restart many many times before finishing. Of course, that statistic only takes into account the ones who do eventually finish. There is no way to figure in those who don't.

I am patient with my students. If they need to take many, many breaks and start with work they have already mastered, that is what we do. If they need constant reassurance, they get it. If they need to be served pizza for good attendance, I do it. If they need to march around the building to present their good test score to everyone who will listen, I escort them. I take what they can give and know that it's more important for them to feel successful than it is for them to, on the first day, look successful on paper. At the end, they will know how to be a successful student, not at the beginning. I am patient with them.

Why am I not patient with myself?

Business Notes to Self, 101

Hi, it's me, in a state of confusion about technology. Weird.

I took the U. S. Small Business Administration self-assessment for people interested in starting a business today, and somehow the assessment figured out that I'm not ready to start a business. Maybe it was my answer to the first question, "Are you ready now to start your business?", to which I answered No. I really have little to no idea what I'm doing, aside from how to compose a good picture. That, combined with my introversion and lack of organization skills, hubris and competitive spirit, pretty much sealed up the coffin.

In addition to the gentle message that starting a business isn't for everyone, the results included a starting place for those who aren't ready to give up, which was to take a free, online course called "Small Business Primer: Strategies for success". I found the course (which oddly is aimed specifically at American Indians but I decided that, aside from my not qualifying for specific funding, the course would probably apply to anyone) and decided to give it a go. (Ok, maybe I am more ready to start down this path than I give myself credit for.)

About three slides in (and after realizing that the course is more informative with the audio unmuted), I realized that I need to take notes because some of the information was both pretty good and new to me. But where do I take these notes? I think I have OneNote on my smartphone, and I think that's the app for taking notes, but my phone is small and I can't type 60WPM on my phone, so I looked up the computer version. Hmmm. It's Microsoft software and it's $80. Next idea please. This brings me around to explaining the first line of this essay: Hi, it's me, in a state of confusion about technology.

People have been taking notes since before there was paper, never mind computers, so why is this a technology issue? I could just use a notebook. It's because of my (lack of) organizational skills. I would certainly lose a notebook, or at the very least, not have it with me when I need it. If it was small enough I could keep it in my camera bag, but events over the last several months have led me to not even having my camera with me at all times. Plus, given the choice between my camera (fun, easy and creative) and a notebook (focus on the more difficult aspect of the photography business), I would probably choose the camera.

So what are my requirements for this technology application?
1. Un-losable.
2. Accessible from anywhere (internet).
3. Easy to create non-linear notes.
4. Free.
5. I can't decide whether I want it public or private. I guess it doesn't matter.

I could use Blogger, but it's not non-linear. Ditto Google Docs. I'm out of ideas. But rather than wait for the epiphany (and in the spirit of entrepreneurship) I will do two pro-active things: I will post to Facebook to ask for ideas, and I will just make a Google Docs file to use for now. Once those things are done, I may just reward myself with a little camera time.

What Does it Mean to See?

As a photographer, one looks, frames, considers... I've been thinking about how much time and money I want to invest in photography. Do I want it to pay me back? Do I want to build up my equipment in hopes of selling more pictures? What do I do with the thousands of pictures I already have? Why haven't I printed more pictures and why aren't they hanging up in my house? Can I make a living doing this some day? What do I tell my students who want to become photographers?

Then I am confronted with a beautiful photograph, most unexpectedly. In a setting where I am not expecting to even be looking at photographs. Almost excused away by a brush-off comment, though maybe as a way to protect the self. And as part of a collection of photographs, just "pictures I took of myself... I wanted to try it. They are nudes, but nothing is showing..."

Flesh, metal and glass. The photographer hiding from view in this one, shielded by the camera which does the seeing for her. Legs - tripod, human - intertwined. Fingers curled around the camera, almost clawing, caught in the act of arresting the moment for those not present. And everything dependent on a mirror which sees but cannot be seen.

What to make of it? I want to buy it, but do I need to? I can still see it. And it wasn't offered for sale, only as evidence of a private, courageous moment. So true, for the photographer. For me, the viewer, a hopeful student of the art, something different altogether. In this photograph I read the Photographer's struggle to display, to hide, to check, to capture, to reveal, to pose, to reflect, to measure, to learn, to grow... And now, a few days later, what am I left with? Inspiration? A new benchmark? Alas, more questions. But I know for sure that this was an amazing photograph.

Mindfulness

In a moment, everything can change. Everyone says that. One can imagine it to be true, especially if you watch the news.

But when it happens to you, in a big way, it seems much more complicated than those six little words. The last 19 days of my life have been... a blur.

These last few days, I have the urge to just make a big list. A list of lists I guess it would be. Things that were hard. Things that were terrifying. Surprises, changes, realizations... The list of plural nouns swirls in my head. Maybe my urge to write it all down comes from a need to release it from my head to give me some space.

Sometimes I feel like my guts have been ripped out and replaced with... clarity and confusion at the same time.

Then the quesitons come, most prominently, "What is really important?", and then, "Is THAT thing, right in front of me, really important?" The answers to those two questions, as I have moved through these 19 days, have surprised me. Some things I have considered difficult in the past, and therefore I have dreaded and avoided, now seem critical. And now I have to do them because I see their value, and I'm already behind, and with swirling nouns and ripped out guts, too.

And some things are no longer important. At all. But I have to purge them, and they're mixed in with the things that I need to keep... and sometimes it's just easier to sit on the couch instead of managing them.

And I am thankful. Nineteen days ago, my husband of three months and three days was in a terrible car accident as a result of a freak snowstorm. I am thankful that he had good care in the first hour. I am thankful for my parents, who went out into the same snowstorm that had just almost killed my husband so I would have a safe ride to the hospital to be with him. I am thankful that, despite his seemingly horrific injuries, he will recover. I'm thankful that our children were not in the car. I am thankful for our oldest daughter, who has been a tremendous help through this whole situation. I'm thankful that he is taking the situation extremely well. Two other family members had frightening experiences that same week, and I am thankful that they are both doing ok. That list goes on and on.

And now I am ready for stillness again. I am ready for the chaos of the accident, the phone calls, the wounds, the worry, the planning and replanning, the questions, the speculation, the appointments, the administrivia, the rebuilding, all of it, to settle. Even just for a moment. I am ready to celebrate my family and what we have, without the reactionary stance I've assumed for the last 19 days. Today I feel so lucky. I just want to focus on that right now.

Today, 19 days after the accident, which will probably be known as "The Accident", I don't know for sure what has changed and what hasn't. I can't know what this has done to the future, but I'm curious to find out. In the movies, actors who don't wallow in self pity after things like this happen seem to come out with a new clarity. They become happier people because they know what's really important. Today, I'm just wondering what happened to my car radio. Before, it was my constant companion. Now it is, at best, an annoyance and at worst, in danger of being torn out of the dash and pitched out the window along with all its noise. I can't listen to it. I don't know why. But I know it's related to the accident somehow. Maybe it's too like the noise in my head, which I'm trying my best to calm. To quiet the noise, I should focus on the love of my family and keep the car radio off. At least that's my plan.

How much time does it take to change time?

It can start with a knock on the door. It's not who was expected. A new face. A question and a warning. And everything is falling. Falling falling falling. Spilling. Spilled. But then things change again. Things may not be as bad as they seem. Pieces are fit together again. Growing up happens. Healing happens. And important things are all that remain.

The Open Sea Looks Good

I may be drowning, but I think I'll just keep heading toward the open sea just the same.

My pictures came in yesterday! I ordered photos from my Zen account (http://shellyleduke.zenfolio.com/) a week or so ago. I could have printed them at home I guess, but I couldn't wait to have my brother in law come set up the wireless printer. (It's all set now, of course.) Also, I've noticed over the years that the photos I print myself tend to fade. Does that happen to you? Add professional-grade printer to my wish list for the future.

Anyway, they came in. I opened them up and was immediately admonished by my 17 year old daughter for handling them incorrectly. I was touching their "faces" instead of holding them by the edges. This coming from a girl who abandons blue ray DVDs anywhere she pleases despite it being a pet peeve of her step father, who she loves dearly. I followed her advice, though, giving her credit because she wants to pursue a career in art therapy and does have a respect for art.

So after I had them spread out over my lap, theoretical finger prints and all, I realized that there is nowhere in my house where I can package them up in their bags (check!) and with my business cards (check!) without sharing with all my future customers the fact that we have a golden retriever. His name is Jake and one of the books we bought when we first got him said that all retriever owners call it "condiments", not dog hair. We are not surprised that this has manifested in our house as well. I keep asking Jake to please do some tidying up but he is very stubborn. I tell him that I read about a companion retriever who knows 180 commands, including how to remove a child's socks without biting toes. If another retriever can do that, why can't Jake just clean up a bit of hair that's his anyway? Does he need a special tool? Because I could take care of that. He doesn't care what I say as long as I keep giving him the heels from loaves of bread.

This means that I and all my new photography toys will head to the library today to use a clean table. Once things are put together we will probably go to Pakulis Farm where I hope my mom can make her customers feel guilty enough to buy my images. (Oops. Drowning again...) We will go to Pakulis Farm and drop off the images that the owner ordered when she decided to expand her offerings to customers!

Wish me luck.

Drowning!

Yes, I'm doing it again. I often do this - I get excited about something, give myself too many choices, make things too complicated, try to start in the middle instead of the beginning, then quit.

Well, I haven't quit yet. And I'm glad. I really want to make this work.

Ok, so what have I done so far? Let's start with what I wanted to do.

"1. Print some photos. (I could break this step down into about 10. Let's just say for now that I will probably use my Zenfolio account to print them so they are professionally done and won't fade like the ones I print myself. Also, before I even print them I'd want to take some specifically for selling on my parents' hay farm. I have some like this already, but a few more probably wouldn't hurt.)
2. Find (online) materials I can use to matte and package them.
3. Make business cards. I wonder if Zenfolio has a link for that.
4. Figure out how to price my pics. I don't want to start too low."

I skipped #1. It's too complicated right now.

For #2 I found www.clearbags.com. I spent a day hemming and hawing about what to order. I was set on a basic mounting kit for 8x10s (with matte boards, backer boards, hinge tape and mounting corners), when I got to the checkout and discovered that there was a minimum order (if I didn't want to pay a service fee), and that my shipping was going to cost over $15! I did a quick search of Michael's and Staples to see if they had the kind of art bags I needed and didn't see them. Then, as usual, I changed my mind and instead of going with mattes, I scaled down the packaging and got bags that just fit the photos, without mattes. I nixed the hinge tape and mounting corners, but got bags and backs for three sizes of photos instead of just 8x10s. Then I ordered them! Then they came in the mail!! Then it took me 10 minutes to open the box (granted, I was using scissors instead of a box knife to cut the tape) and I wondered if the whole idea was crazy. Once I got the box (it was actually two taped together, which had been part of the problem) open, it was like Christmas! All these art supplies. Time to get moving.

#3 My business cards are printing as I type. And I'm proud of them. They almost got the best of me, but I didn't let them. Earlier today, as I sat down to get #3 done, I started flooding myself. Business cards... I had already bought the paper, now I needed a template. Should be easy, I've done it before. Wasn't. Now the flooding: Publisher has a place for a logo. I don't have a logo. Maybe my son can design one. How much should I pay him? What if I don't like it? What about my daughter, who is planning on going to college (next year!) to study art therapy? Should she make the logo? What about the font? It should say something about me. What should it say? I thought I wanted it to be formal but I'd go to work (at my day job as a teacher) in jeans and bare feet if they'd let me. Surely if my business card was formal and a client met me in person they would think I was a fraud. I tried out some fonts. I built, in my head, an advisory board of everyone I know whose opinion I would value about my personality and art. I set up tiers of assistance so that my boss, whose daughter went to art school, didn't have to come to all the meetings... I think I'll call the weather service and ask them to give a name to this flood that I made all over my computer station. (Deep breath here. Breathe.)

#4 I tossed around some ideas about how to price my photos. I was thinking $10 for a 4x6, $15 for a 5x7 and $20 for an 8x10. Nice and simple. Then I considered that I might give a free 4x6 of the same print to everyone who buys an 8x10. What would they do with a duplicate photo? Give it away, of course! Along with my business card, which will be packaged inside.

To be honest, I did do some work with the actual photos today. I uploaded more to Zenfolio. But I think I did too many. I am going to take some down, because they are not all fantastic pics. If I'm not going to print them to sell, they shouldn't be up. I also uploaded some to Snapfish. Prints on Snapfish are much cheaper, and since it's been a while since I've logged on they were trying to entice me with 50 free 4x6 prints. I couldn't figure out how to redeem my 50 prints and it annoyed me until I figured out they were only going to cost me $4.50. But again, I didn't order any because I want to limit the prints I'm offering at first and I'm not sure which ones I like best yet.

Oh! And two people besides my mother have checked out the Zenfolio site! They both signed on within two days of when I put it up. No one has looked at the site since, though. But two people!

So I have 30 business cards and enough materials to package 100 4x6s, 100 5x7s and 75 8x10s. Now I just need pictures!

Baby Steps

Today I'm pondering a photography business. I showed my mom a couple photobooks I had printed by an online company and she liked them. In fact, she's going to order three copies - one for herself, one for my aunt and one for my grandfather.

We talked about selling my photographs at her farm this fall when she sells the 2000 pumpkins they have growing there. It's already a hay farm so they have customers coming and going already, which is good.

There are lots of things I need to do if I want to do this, which I do. Let's list them, shall we?

1. Print some photos. (I could break this step down into about 10. Let's just say for now that I will probably use my Zenfolio account to print them so they are professionally done and won't fade like the ones I print myself. Also, before I even print them I'd want to take some specifically for selling on my parents' hay farm. I have some like this already, but a few more probably wouldn't hurt.)
2. Find (online) materials I can use to matte and package them.
3. Make business cards. I wonder if Zenfolio has a link for that.
4. Figure out how to price my pics. I don't want to start too low.

Ok, I'll probably also want to set up a Zen album with the hay pics on it so people can have a look and order them later. Or do I? My Zen account won't let me set prices, so they'd basically be paying just for the prints. Maybe I don't want to do that. Or maybe I will upgrade my account so I can boost prices.

Am I getting ahead of myself? Maybe. But maybe not. When am I going to start if I don't start now?

Could I print some photos and offer my parents' hay customers a chance to win a farm "sitting", where I would go to their farm for a few hours and take pics? They could choose to buy or not buy copies of the photos. Maybe I take pics and put them on Zen for the client, keep permissions for them, and sell them to others for retail. How in the heck would that work? Something else to think about. I need a sample contract book for photographers!

So first, pick some of my best farm photos and find packaging materials for them. Make a business card. Worry later about sales prices, when I have them ready.

Finally, I want to find a way to make my pics stand out. Anyone can take a picture of a flower or a wave. Why should someone buy mine?

But I have the best intentions...

Determination, dedication and hard work. Yes, of course. All three will surely lead to success. Someone recently hinted that I have none of these, or at least not enough to make it as a photographer or writer. Or maybe she was trying to encourage me. I guess I don't know.

Yes, you have to put in hard time to make it in any creative field. But if you don't, does that mean you're not determined, dedicated and working hard? Well, I guess if you don't do the work you're not working hard. But what about the other two? I'm determined to make it someday. The problem is, I can't predict when my death will be. Today, being in relatively good health, I certainly have all the time in the world so tomorrow works just as well.

And am I dedicated? The problem is, I'm dedicated to fear. Or, fear has  bound me in "What ifs". What if I write the wrong thing and lose a follower? What if no one buys my line? Or the dreaded, what if I can't do it?

I have perfectly-thought-out responses to the first two questions - responses that I would use with my students or friends. "So what if one follower doesn't like something, you will probably gain two more." "If no one is buying your chairs (see the movie Phenomenon) then at least you have enjoyed putting them together." I know both of those things are true. But for the last question, of course, there is no answer. First of all, "do" what? Become famous? Become rich? What do those words even mean? Write every day? Take a photograph every day? Upload writing or a photo every day? Hook 20 followers? 200? If I don't even know what I'm trying to do, how do I know I haven't done it?

Maybe I should make a ladder of goals for myself so I can see exactly what it is that I am trying to do. I will also add a short description of why I want to do it or what it means to me to each rung. Maybe that will help. And I can post it here, so not only will I be able to visualize what I'm doing (always a good strategy for me), but I will also have some writing to post!

As for the title of this post, it was nearly a year ago that I set up this Blog to catch my random, ADD-inspired writing. Yes, I had good intentions. But today is a new day and I have the phone number of my one  followers, so if she has forgotten about my blog I can just call her and tell her I'm starting again and I know she will read it (thanks, Mom).

One final note: we never understand our path until we've arrived. Maybe I've been doing exactly what I'm supposed to have been doing all along. I thought my teen age daughter sabotaged her employment search when she added a wrinkle to her visual presentation - she got a Mohawk. Then, fifty three weeks after she started looking and one week after the haircut, she got a job. Who knows - maybe the confidence she exuded by boasting a haircut she loved is what got her noticed. Maybe my melancholy angst and procrastination will help my journey somehow... or maybe I should just renew my ADD meds and get to work.

An Introduction

No matter which side of the evolution debate we believe in, we all probably agree that thousands of years ago, or maybe fifty years ago in backwards New England, there were whole civilizations that relied on hunters and gatherers to put food on the table. The hunters were strong, focused individuals who could follow the scent and signs of an animal for many miles, never deviating or becoming distracted, until their stones or arrows or clubs met their marks.

Gatherers, on the other hand, were less-than-focused on the path ahead. They were more naturally inclined to peer off into the woods and look under bushes for stray berries or a squirrel's stash of nuts.

I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. The hunter is the teenage girl on her way to the record store to get the latest Lady GaGa CD. The gatherer is the three year old brother being dragged along and possibly sworn at as he bends down to examine every bug and blob of gum on the sidewalk. At the grocery store, the hunter is the man who goes to the grocery store with milk and eggs on his list and leaves with milk and eggs. The gatherer is the woman who goes into the grocery store with milk and eggs on her list and leaves $100 poorer but with milk, eggs, and a score of other things she can also probably use.

I am definately a gatherer. "Focused" is not a word that I would ever use to describe myself. I am more creative and even distractable. I thought an entire day about what I might say in a Blog, and about who might want to read it. I am a teacher, a parent, a step-parent, a daughter, sister, friend, and lover. I love to take photographs and to write, to look things up and to learn about everything.

That's why this blog is called Scatterings. On any given day, I may write about any of these things or about something else entirely. The one thing that will always be true, though, is the fact that I am a gatherer. When something is interesting to me, I have to check it out. Sometimes I will photograph it, sometimes I buy it or try it out, and here in Scatterings, I will write about it. Some days you might agree that what I have written is worth your time and sometimes you won't, but I hope you will wander down my road often and take a look.