Treat Me Right

What do I need to do in order to succeed with finally starting a new, small, photography business? I'm going to try this.

I'm going to coach myself like I would my adult education students. If I even thought to myself, at work, "You are such a loser for quitting school years ago - why are you bothering to show up today?" I would very quickly have no more students. They would be able to smell that a mile away and they would scatter. I am not going to do that to myself anymore. I am going to remind myself of all my students who somehow managed to graduate despite barriers that I probably will never have to encounter. My main barrier is simply a lack of confidence, not the homelessness, hunger, domestic violence, etc., that my students have to deal with every day.

I am going to begin writing something about photography as often as I can - every day if possible, but if I don't do it every day that's ok. Also, this afternoon I am attending a workshop where I will get a free Metrix license. Metrix is an online learning system with nearly 7000 courses related to business, IT, and even some photo stuff. Again, I have had a Metrix license at least twice before and never took advantage of it - maybe because I just needed to call and get one, because of where I work. Today I am attending the workshop like a regular person to pay my dues and today I am going to choose my first three courses, the first of which I am going to start tomorrow.

Also tomorrow, I am going to write about my Metrix workshop and the courses I will take. For now, it's off to chores, a Home Depot run, and then shopping for my daughter's graduation!

Let's Make a List

If I am going to make this photography business work, I need to remember what I'm good at. Let's make a list.

• I am pretty good at composing a photo.
• I enjoy seeing my images printed.
• I enjoy taking the photographs - looking for beautiful things AND discovering how I can make regular things look beautiful or compelling.
• I enjoy feedback I get for my photos that turn out well.
• I enjoy making people feel good by showing them my photos (or something like that).
• I could use extra money, but also could wait until I could count on that income on a regular basis.
• I have much of the equipment I would need to get started.
• I love learning new things (and have plenty to learn, starting with technical aspects of the equipment I already have).
• I know how to access the information I need to move forward.
• I have been recognized where I work for my photography skills, even though I'm not a "photographer" there.
• My employer has used at least one of my photos (taken at work, on company time) in promotional materials - ie, I have the beginnings of a portfolio.

Seems solid. What's holding me back?

• I hold fast to an illogical argument that, because I am not already a professional photographer, I can never be a professional photographer.
• Um...

Everything else I can think of falls into that category. 

What if my students thought that way? Let's think about this for a moment. They would be no-where. They would be doomed to live the lives of non-high school graduates who really want to be high school graduates. They would have to click "less than high school diploma" their whole lives. A couple weeks ago, I saw dozens of students proudly march across that stage - mothers with little babies; men who had been in prison; individuals who were, quite literally, homeless; all of them - every one of them - people who had already "failed" at education at least once. Education was hard for them - not their strength - yet there they were, smiling as they got their diplomas. All done. Successful. Thirty percent planning - already - to go to college. To keep going to school! Who knows if they actually got the hang of it after a while, or if they just decided they had to keep going and were going to do it no matter what. 

I want to be strong like them. I want to do something that is hard. (I would prefer it not be so hard, but it is and I want to do it, so I want to do something hard.) My two Master's degrees look, to outsiders, amazing. Very few people have one advanced degree, let alone two. Yes, they were somewhat a logistical miracle to accomplish, especially the first one, when I did the first year pregnant and parenting a toddler and the second year with a toddler and a newborn. And I wasn't able to get funding so as to not have student loan payments until I die. But it wasn't HARD. And I loved it. I love school. I love it to the point where, these days, I realize that the second Master's was done to escape my rotten marriage. It sucked up all my attention, which was what I needed at the time, I guess. 

Now it's time to do something hard. 

I'm Not Giving Up

Many times, I have had every intention of sitting down and starting my DAILY blog about my booming photography business (that I don't have yet). Many times, I have restarted. That means that I had stopped previously. Many times - in fact, every time - I have admonished myself for not trying hard enough, for not being consistent, for not "just doing it". No patience. Just a lot of trash talk.

If a student disses him or herself, I may very likely roll up a piece of paper and whack that person on the shoulder with it (slowly, while carefully watching their face - only smiling people get whacked!). If I diss myself, I take it as gospel and decide I'm worthless. Why is that?

I was a successful student. I got decent (not great) grades in high school, and did even better in college - my enormous student loan payments attest to the fact that I have three degrees - two Master's. What I suck at, so far, is starting a photography business. It's just not something I'm good at, so I chisel that "fact" in stone and give up. I took a photography class as a high school student - I didn't have time in my schedule, so my mom paid for me to take a class on weekends at the local community college. I didn't get far, though, because there was a creeper in the class and I didn't like being in the darkroom with him. What did I do? I quit, I'm sure with out telling anyone about that guy. I just gave up.

But I keep coming back to photography, and not just as a hobby - why? There must be something in it for me. 

Starting Again

A couple weeks ago, I attended the graduation ceremony at the organization where I teach. Seventy six students marched across the stage and received their high school diplomas-certainly a momentous occasion in anyone's life, but for these folks it was especially wonderful.

I teach in an adult education program. Each of these students was disenfranchised in some way by the public school system and they all finished their secondary education with us instead. Some left school as soon  as they turned 16 (or more recent ones, 17, as the law has now changed). Some left with only a few weeks left in their senior year - some even sat for the full 12 years and ended up as little as a half credit short of graduating. Some stopped attending around 8th grade, and some were squeezed out of learning in elementary school by a too-fast curriculum and then passed along until they could officially drop out. Graduates ranged from 17 or 18 years old to grandparents - people in their 50s and 60s.

One of the reasons why I am good at what I do in my day job is that I am able to greet each new student as a capable human being, despite what may be strong evidence to the contrary. I don't care what problems they may have eventually caused after years of struggling in a school system that wasn't right for them. I don't care if they are with me because they choose school over juvie. I don't care if they have pending court dates. I don't care how many times they have tried to start with adult education and then dropped off the face of the earth before returning - the average record for adult education students is that they will graduate upon their third re-start. That means that, for each student who is successful on their first try, others will restart many many times before finishing. Of course, that statistic only takes into account the ones who do eventually finish. There is no way to figure in those who don't.

I am patient with my students. If they need to take many, many breaks and start with work they have already mastered, that is what we do. If they need constant reassurance, they get it. If they need to be served pizza for good attendance, I do it. If they need to march around the building to present their good test score to everyone who will listen, I escort them. I take what they can give and know that it's more important for them to feel successful than it is for them to, on the first day, look successful on paper. At the end, they will know how to be a successful student, not at the beginning. I am patient with them.

Why am I not patient with myself?