Hi, it's me, in a state of confusion about technology. Weird.
I took the U. S. Small Business Administration self-assessment for people interested in starting a business today, and somehow the assessment figured out that I'm not ready to start a business. Maybe it was my answer to the first question, "Are you ready now to start your business?", to which I answered No. I really have little to no idea what I'm doing, aside from how to compose a good picture. That, combined with my introversion and lack of organization skills, hubris and competitive spirit, pretty much sealed up the coffin.
In addition to the gentle message that starting a business isn't for everyone, the results included a starting place for those who aren't ready to give up, which was to take a free, online course called "Small Business Primer: Strategies for success". I found the course (which oddly is aimed specifically at American Indians but I decided that, aside from my not qualifying for specific funding, the course would probably apply to anyone) and decided to give it a go. (Ok, maybe I am more ready to start down this path than I give myself credit for.)
About three slides in (and after realizing that the course is more informative with the audio unmuted), I realized that I need to take notes because some of the information was both pretty good and new to me. But where do I take these notes? I think I have OneNote on my smartphone, and I think that's the app for taking notes, but my phone is small and I can't type 60WPM on my phone, so I looked up the computer version. Hmmm. It's Microsoft software and it's $80. Next idea please. This brings me around to explaining the first line of this essay: Hi, it's me, in a state of confusion about technology.
People have been taking notes since before there was paper, never mind computers, so why is this a technology issue? I could just use a notebook. It's because of my (lack of) organizational skills. I would certainly lose a notebook, or at the very least, not have it with me when I need it. If it was small enough I could keep it in my camera bag, but events over the last several months have led me to not even having my camera with me at all times. Plus, given the choice between my camera (fun, easy and creative) and a notebook (focus on the more difficult aspect of the photography business), I would probably choose the camera.
So what are my requirements for this technology application?
1. Un-losable.
2. Accessible from anywhere (internet).
3. Easy to create non-linear notes.
4. Free.
5. I can't decide whether I want it public or private. I guess it doesn't matter.
I could use Blogger, but it's not non-linear. Ditto Google Docs. I'm out of ideas. But rather than wait for the epiphany (and in the spirit of entrepreneurship) I will do two pro-active things: I will post to Facebook to ask for ideas, and I will just make a Google Docs file to use for now. Once those things are done, I may just reward myself with a little camera time.
Monday, December 26, 2011
Sunday, December 11, 2011
What Does it Mean to See?
As a photographer, one looks, frames, considers... I've been thinking about how much time and money I want to invest in photography. Do I want it to pay me back? Do I want to build up my equipment in hopes of selling more pictures? What do I do with the thousands of pictures I already have? Why haven't I printed more pictures and why aren't they hanging up in my house? Can I make a living doing this some day? What do I tell my students who want to become photographers?
Then I am confronted with a beautiful photograph, most unexpectedly. In a setting where I am not expecting to even be looking at photographs. Almost excused away by a brush-off comment, though maybe as a way to protect the self. And as part of a collection of photographs, just "pictures I took of myself... I wanted to try it. They are nudes, but nothing is showing..."
Flesh, metal and glass. The photographer hiding from view in this one, shielded by the camera which does the seeing for her. Legs - tripod, human - intertwined. Fingers curled around the camera, almost clawing, caught in the act of arresting the moment for those not present. And everything dependent on a mirror which sees but cannot be seen.
What to make of it? I want to buy it, but do I need to? I can still see it. And it wasn't offered for sale, only as evidence of a private, courageous moment. So true, for the photographer. For me, the viewer, a hopeful student of the art, something different altogether. In this photograph I read the Photographer's struggle to display, to hide, to check, to capture, to reveal, to pose, to reflect, to measure, to learn, to grow... And now, a few days later, what am I left with? Inspiration? A new benchmark? Alas, more questions. But I know for sure that this was an amazing photograph.
Then I am confronted with a beautiful photograph, most unexpectedly. In a setting where I am not expecting to even be looking at photographs. Almost excused away by a brush-off comment, though maybe as a way to protect the self. And as part of a collection of photographs, just "pictures I took of myself... I wanted to try it. They are nudes, but nothing is showing..."
Flesh, metal and glass. The photographer hiding from view in this one, shielded by the camera which does the seeing for her. Legs - tripod, human - intertwined. Fingers curled around the camera, almost clawing, caught in the act of arresting the moment for those not present. And everything dependent on a mirror which sees but cannot be seen.
What to make of it? I want to buy it, but do I need to? I can still see it. And it wasn't offered for sale, only as evidence of a private, courageous moment. So true, for the photographer. For me, the viewer, a hopeful student of the art, something different altogether. In this photograph I read the Photographer's struggle to display, to hide, to check, to capture, to reveal, to pose, to reflect, to measure, to learn, to grow... And now, a few days later, what am I left with? Inspiration? A new benchmark? Alas, more questions. But I know for sure that this was an amazing photograph.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Mindfulness
In a moment, everything can change. Everyone says that. One can imagine it to be true, especially if you watch the news.
But when it happens to you, in a big way, it seems much more complicated than those six little words. The last 19 days of my life have been... a blur.
These last few days, I have the urge to just make a big list. A list of lists I guess it would be. Things that were hard. Things that were terrifying. Surprises, changes, realizations... The list of plural nouns swirls in my head. Maybe my urge to write it all down comes from a need to release it from my head to give me some space.
Sometimes I feel like my guts have been ripped out and replaced with... clarity and confusion at the same time.
Then the quesitons come, most prominently, "What is really important?", and then, "Is THAT thing, right in front of me, really important?" The answers to those two questions, as I have moved through these 19 days, have surprised me. Some things I have considered difficult in the past, and therefore I have dreaded and avoided, now seem critical. And now I have to do them because I see their value, and I'm already behind, and with swirling nouns and ripped out guts, too.
And some things are no longer important. At all. But I have to purge them, and they're mixed in with the things that I need to keep... and sometimes it's just easier to sit on the couch instead of managing them.
And I am thankful. Nineteen days ago, my husband of three months and three days was in a terrible car accident as a result of a freak snowstorm. I am thankful that he had good care in the first hour. I am thankful for my parents, who went out into the same snowstorm that had just almost killed my husband so I would have a safe ride to the hospital to be with him. I am thankful that, despite his seemingly horrific injuries, he will recover. I'm thankful that our children were not in the car. I am thankful for our oldest daughter, who has been a tremendous help through this whole situation. I'm thankful that he is taking the situation extremely well. Two other family members had frightening experiences that same week, and I am thankful that they are both doing ok. That list goes on and on.
And now I am ready for stillness again. I am ready for the chaos of the accident, the phone calls, the wounds, the worry, the planning and replanning, the questions, the speculation, the appointments, the administrivia, the rebuilding, all of it, to settle. Even just for a moment. I am ready to celebrate my family and what we have, without the reactionary stance I've assumed for the last 19 days. Today I feel so lucky. I just want to focus on that right now.
Today, 19 days after the accident, which will probably be known as "The Accident", I don't know for sure what has changed and what hasn't. I can't know what this has done to the future, but I'm curious to find out. In the movies, actors who don't wallow in self pity after things like this happen seem to come out with a new clarity. They become happier people because they know what's really important. Today, I'm just wondering what happened to my car radio. Before, it was my constant companion. Now it is, at best, an annoyance and at worst, in danger of being torn out of the dash and pitched out the window along with all its noise. I can't listen to it. I don't know why. But I know it's related to the accident somehow. Maybe it's too like the noise in my head, which I'm trying my best to calm. To quiet the noise, I should focus on the love of my family and keep the car radio off. At least that's my plan.
But when it happens to you, in a big way, it seems much more complicated than those six little words. The last 19 days of my life have been... a blur.
These last few days, I have the urge to just make a big list. A list of lists I guess it would be. Things that were hard. Things that were terrifying. Surprises, changes, realizations... The list of plural nouns swirls in my head. Maybe my urge to write it all down comes from a need to release it from my head to give me some space.
Sometimes I feel like my guts have been ripped out and replaced with... clarity and confusion at the same time.
Then the quesitons come, most prominently, "What is really important?", and then, "Is THAT thing, right in front of me, really important?" The answers to those two questions, as I have moved through these 19 days, have surprised me. Some things I have considered difficult in the past, and therefore I have dreaded and avoided, now seem critical. And now I have to do them because I see their value, and I'm already behind, and with swirling nouns and ripped out guts, too.
And some things are no longer important. At all. But I have to purge them, and they're mixed in with the things that I need to keep... and sometimes it's just easier to sit on the couch instead of managing them.
And I am thankful. Nineteen days ago, my husband of three months and three days was in a terrible car accident as a result of a freak snowstorm. I am thankful that he had good care in the first hour. I am thankful for my parents, who went out into the same snowstorm that had just almost killed my husband so I would have a safe ride to the hospital to be with him. I am thankful that, despite his seemingly horrific injuries, he will recover. I'm thankful that our children were not in the car. I am thankful for our oldest daughter, who has been a tremendous help through this whole situation. I'm thankful that he is taking the situation extremely well. Two other family members had frightening experiences that same week, and I am thankful that they are both doing ok. That list goes on and on.
And now I am ready for stillness again. I am ready for the chaos of the accident, the phone calls, the wounds, the worry, the planning and replanning, the questions, the speculation, the appointments, the administrivia, the rebuilding, all of it, to settle. Even just for a moment. I am ready to celebrate my family and what we have, without the reactionary stance I've assumed for the last 19 days. Today I feel so lucky. I just want to focus on that right now.
Today, 19 days after the accident, which will probably be known as "The Accident", I don't know for sure what has changed and what hasn't. I can't know what this has done to the future, but I'm curious to find out. In the movies, actors who don't wallow in self pity after things like this happen seem to come out with a new clarity. They become happier people because they know what's really important. Today, I'm just wondering what happened to my car radio. Before, it was my constant companion. Now it is, at best, an annoyance and at worst, in danger of being torn out of the dash and pitched out the window along with all its noise. I can't listen to it. I don't know why. But I know it's related to the accident somehow. Maybe it's too like the noise in my head, which I'm trying my best to calm. To quiet the noise, I should focus on the love of my family and keep the car radio off. At least that's my plan.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
How much time does it take to change time?
It can start with a knock on the door. It's not who was expected. A new face. A question and a warning. And everything is falling. Falling falling falling. Spilling. Spilled. But then things change again. Things may not be as bad as they seem. Pieces are fit together again. Growing up happens. Healing happens. And important things are all that remain.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
The Open Sea Looks Good
I may be drowning, but I think I'll just keep heading toward the open sea just the same.
My pictures came in yesterday! I ordered photos from my Zen account (http://shellyleduke.zenfolio.com/) a week or so ago. I could have printed them at home I guess, but I couldn't wait to have my brother in law come set up the wireless printer. (It's all set now, of course.) Also, I've noticed over the years that the photos I print myself tend to fade. Does that happen to you? Add professional-grade printer to my wish list for the future.
Anyway, they came in. I opened them up and was immediately admonished by my 17 year old daughter for handling them incorrectly. I was touching their "faces" instead of holding them by the edges. This coming from a girl who abandons blue ray DVDs anywhere she pleases despite it being a pet peeve of her step father, who she loves dearly. I followed her advice, though, giving her credit because she wants to pursue a career in art therapy and does have a respect for art.
So after I had them spread out over my lap, theoretical finger prints and all, I realized that there is nowhere in my house where I can package them up in their bags (check!) and with my business cards (check!) without sharing with all my future customers the fact that we have a golden retriever. His name is Jake and one of the books we bought when we first got him said that all retriever owners call it "condiments", not dog hair. We are not surprised that this has manifested in our house as well. I keep asking Jake to please do some tidying up but he is very stubborn. I tell him that I read about a companion retriever who knows 180 commands, including how to remove a child's socks without biting toes. If another retriever can do that, why can't Jake just clean up a bit of hair that's his anyway? Does he need a special tool? Because I could take care of that. He doesn't care what I say as long as I keep giving him the heels from loaves of bread.
This means that I and all my new photography toys will head to the library today to use a clean table. Once things are put together we will probably go to Pakulis Farm where I hope my mom can make her customers feel guilty enough to buy my images. (Oops. Drowning again...) We will go to Pakulis Farm and drop off the images that the owner ordered when she decided to expand her offerings to customers!
Wish me luck.
My pictures came in yesterday! I ordered photos from my Zen account (http://shellyleduke.zenfolio.com/) a week or so ago. I could have printed them at home I guess, but I couldn't wait to have my brother in law come set up the wireless printer. (It's all set now, of course.) Also, I've noticed over the years that the photos I print myself tend to fade. Does that happen to you? Add professional-grade printer to my wish list for the future.
Anyway, they came in. I opened them up and was immediately admonished by my 17 year old daughter for handling them incorrectly. I was touching their "faces" instead of holding them by the edges. This coming from a girl who abandons blue ray DVDs anywhere she pleases despite it being a pet peeve of her step father, who she loves dearly. I followed her advice, though, giving her credit because she wants to pursue a career in art therapy and does have a respect for art.
So after I had them spread out over my lap, theoretical finger prints and all, I realized that there is nowhere in my house where I can package them up in their bags (check!) and with my business cards (check!) without sharing with all my future customers the fact that we have a golden retriever. His name is Jake and one of the books we bought when we first got him said that all retriever owners call it "condiments", not dog hair. We are not surprised that this has manifested in our house as well. I keep asking Jake to please do some tidying up but he is very stubborn. I tell him that I read about a companion retriever who knows 180 commands, including how to remove a child's socks without biting toes. If another retriever can do that, why can't Jake just clean up a bit of hair that's his anyway? Does he need a special tool? Because I could take care of that. He doesn't care what I say as long as I keep giving him the heels from loaves of bread.
This means that I and all my new photography toys will head to the library today to use a clean table. Once things are put together we will probably go to Pakulis Farm where I hope my mom can make her customers feel guilty enough to buy my images. (Oops. Drowning again...) We will go to Pakulis Farm and drop off the images that the owner ordered when she decided to expand her offerings to customers!
Wish me luck.
Friday, September 23, 2011
Drowning!
Yes, I'm doing it again. I often do this - I get excited about something, give myself too many choices, make things too complicated, try to start in the middle instead of the beginning, then quit.
Well, I haven't quit yet. And I'm glad. I really want to make this work.
Ok, so what have I done so far? Let's start with what I wanted to do.
"1. Print some photos. (I could break this step down into about 10. Let's just say for now that I will probably use my Zenfolio account to print them so they are professionally done and won't fade like the ones I print myself. Also, before I even print them I'd want to take some specifically for selling on my parents' hay farm. I have some like this already, but a few more probably wouldn't hurt.)
2. Find (online) materials I can use to matte and package them.
3. Make business cards. I wonder if Zenfolio has a link for that.
4. Figure out how to price my pics. I don't want to start too low."
I skipped #1. It's too complicated right now.
For #2 I found www.clearbags.com. I spent a day hemming and hawing about what to order. I was set on a basic mounting kit for 8x10s (with matte boards, backer boards, hinge tape and mounting corners), when I got to the checkout and discovered that there was a minimum order (if I didn't want to pay a service fee), and that my shipping was going to cost over $15! I did a quick search of Michael's and Staples to see if they had the kind of art bags I needed and didn't see them. Then, as usual, I changed my mind and instead of going with mattes, I scaled down the packaging and got bags that just fit the photos, without mattes. I nixed the hinge tape and mounting corners, but got bags and backs for three sizes of photos instead of just 8x10s. Then I ordered them! Then they came in the mail!! Then it took me 10 minutes to open the box (granted, I was using scissors instead of a box knife to cut the tape) and I wondered if the whole idea was crazy. Once I got the box (it was actually two taped together, which had been part of the problem) open, it was like Christmas! All these art supplies. Time to get moving.
#3 My business cards are printing as I type. And I'm proud of them. They almost got the best of me, but I didn't let them. Earlier today, as I sat down to get #3 done, I started flooding myself. Business cards... I had already bought the paper, now I needed a template. Should be easy, I've done it before. Wasn't. Now the flooding: Publisher has a place for a logo. I don't have a logo. Maybe my son can design one. How much should I pay him? What if I don't like it? What about my daughter, who is planning on going to college (next year!) to study art therapy? Should she make the logo? What about the font? It should say something about me. What should it say? I thought I wanted it to be formal but I'd go to work (at my day job as a teacher) in jeans and bare feet if they'd let me. Surely if my business card was formal and a client met me in person they would think I was a fraud. I tried out some fonts. I built, in my head, an advisory board of everyone I know whose opinion I would value about my personality and art. I set up tiers of assistance so that my boss, whose daughter went to art school, didn't have to come to all the meetings... I think I'll call the weather service and ask them to give a name to this flood that I made all over my computer station. (Deep breath here. Breathe.)
#4 I tossed around some ideas about how to price my photos. I was thinking $10 for a 4x6, $15 for a 5x7 and $20 for an 8x10. Nice and simple. Then I considered that I might give a free 4x6 of the same print to everyone who buys an 8x10. What would they do with a duplicate photo? Give it away, of course! Along with my business card, which will be packaged inside.
To be honest, I did do some work with the actual photos today. I uploaded more to Zenfolio. But I think I did too many. I am going to take some down, because they are not all fantastic pics. If I'm not going to print them to sell, they shouldn't be up. I also uploaded some to Snapfish. Prints on Snapfish are much cheaper, and since it's been a while since I've logged on they were trying to entice me with 50 free 4x6 prints. I couldn't figure out how to redeem my 50 prints and it annoyed me until I figured out they were only going to cost me $4.50. But again, I didn't order any because I want to limit the prints I'm offering at first and I'm not sure which ones I like best yet.
Oh! And two people besides my mother have checked out the Zenfolio site! They both signed on within two days of when I put it up. No one has looked at the site since, though. But two people!
So I have 30 business cards and enough materials to package 100 4x6s, 100 5x7s and 75 8x10s. Now I just need pictures!
Well, I haven't quit yet. And I'm glad. I really want to make this work.
Ok, so what have I done so far? Let's start with what I wanted to do.
"1. Print some photos. (I could break this step down into about 10. Let's just say for now that I will probably use my Zenfolio account to print them so they are professionally done and won't fade like the ones I print myself. Also, before I even print them I'd want to take some specifically for selling on my parents' hay farm. I have some like this already, but a few more probably wouldn't hurt.)
2. Find (online) materials I can use to matte and package them.
3. Make business cards. I wonder if Zenfolio has a link for that.
4. Figure out how to price my pics. I don't want to start too low."
I skipped #1. It's too complicated right now.
For #2 I found www.clearbags.com. I spent a day hemming and hawing about what to order. I was set on a basic mounting kit for 8x10s (with matte boards, backer boards, hinge tape and mounting corners), when I got to the checkout and discovered that there was a minimum order (if I didn't want to pay a service fee), and that my shipping was going to cost over $15! I did a quick search of Michael's and Staples to see if they had the kind of art bags I needed and didn't see them. Then, as usual, I changed my mind and instead of going with mattes, I scaled down the packaging and got bags that just fit the photos, without mattes. I nixed the hinge tape and mounting corners, but got bags and backs for three sizes of photos instead of just 8x10s. Then I ordered them! Then they came in the mail!! Then it took me 10 minutes to open the box (granted, I was using scissors instead of a box knife to cut the tape) and I wondered if the whole idea was crazy. Once I got the box (it was actually two taped together, which had been part of the problem) open, it was like Christmas! All these art supplies. Time to get moving.
#3 My business cards are printing as I type. And I'm proud of them. They almost got the best of me, but I didn't let them. Earlier today, as I sat down to get #3 done, I started flooding myself. Business cards... I had already bought the paper, now I needed a template. Should be easy, I've done it before. Wasn't. Now the flooding: Publisher has a place for a logo. I don't have a logo. Maybe my son can design one. How much should I pay him? What if I don't like it? What about my daughter, who is planning on going to college (next year!) to study art therapy? Should she make the logo? What about the font? It should say something about me. What should it say? I thought I wanted it to be formal but I'd go to work (at my day job as a teacher) in jeans and bare feet if they'd let me. Surely if my business card was formal and a client met me in person they would think I was a fraud. I tried out some fonts. I built, in my head, an advisory board of everyone I know whose opinion I would value about my personality and art. I set up tiers of assistance so that my boss, whose daughter went to art school, didn't have to come to all the meetings... I think I'll call the weather service and ask them to give a name to this flood that I made all over my computer station. (Deep breath here. Breathe.)
#4 I tossed around some ideas about how to price my photos. I was thinking $10 for a 4x6, $15 for a 5x7 and $20 for an 8x10. Nice and simple. Then I considered that I might give a free 4x6 of the same print to everyone who buys an 8x10. What would they do with a duplicate photo? Give it away, of course! Along with my business card, which will be packaged inside.
To be honest, I did do some work with the actual photos today. I uploaded more to Zenfolio. But I think I did too many. I am going to take some down, because they are not all fantastic pics. If I'm not going to print them to sell, they shouldn't be up. I also uploaded some to Snapfish. Prints on Snapfish are much cheaper, and since it's been a while since I've logged on they were trying to entice me with 50 free 4x6 prints. I couldn't figure out how to redeem my 50 prints and it annoyed me until I figured out they were only going to cost me $4.50. But again, I didn't order any because I want to limit the prints I'm offering at first and I'm not sure which ones I like best yet.
Oh! And two people besides my mother have checked out the Zenfolio site! They both signed on within two days of when I put it up. No one has looked at the site since, though. But two people!
So I have 30 business cards and enough materials to package 100 4x6s, 100 5x7s and 75 8x10s. Now I just need pictures!
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Baby Steps
Today I'm pondering a photography business. I showed my mom a couple photobooks I had printed by an online company and she liked them. In fact, she's going to order three copies - one for herself, one for my aunt and one for my grandfather.
We talked about selling my photographs at her farm this fall when she sells the 2000 pumpkins they have growing there. It's already a hay farm so they have customers coming and going already, which is good.
There are lots of things I need to do if I want to do this, which I do. Let's list them, shall we?
1. Print some photos. (I could break this step down into about 10. Let's just say for now that I will probably use my Zenfolio account to print them so they are professionally done and won't fade like the ones I print myself. Also, before I even print them I'd want to take some specifically for selling on my parents' hay farm. I have some like this already, but a few more probably wouldn't hurt.)
2. Find (online) materials I can use to matte and package them.
3. Make business cards. I wonder if Zenfolio has a link for that.
4. Figure out how to price my pics. I don't want to start too low.
Ok, I'll probably also want to set up a Zen album with the hay pics on it so people can have a look and order them later. Or do I? My Zen account won't let me set prices, so they'd basically be paying just for the prints. Maybe I don't want to do that. Or maybe I will upgrade my account so I can boost prices.
Am I getting ahead of myself? Maybe. But maybe not. When am I going to start if I don't start now?
Could I print some photos and offer my parents' hay customers a chance to win a farm "sitting", where I would go to their farm for a few hours and take pics? They could choose to buy or not buy copies of the photos. Maybe I take pics and put them on Zen for the client, keep permissions for them, and sell them to others for retail. How in the heck would that work? Something else to think about. I need a sample contract book for photographers!
So first, pick some of my best farm photos and find packaging materials for them. Make a business card. Worry later about sales prices, when I have them ready.
Finally, I want to find a way to make my pics stand out. Anyone can take a picture of a flower or a wave. Why should someone buy mine?
We talked about selling my photographs at her farm this fall when she sells the 2000 pumpkins they have growing there. It's already a hay farm so they have customers coming and going already, which is good.
There are lots of things I need to do if I want to do this, which I do. Let's list them, shall we?
1. Print some photos. (I could break this step down into about 10. Let's just say for now that I will probably use my Zenfolio account to print them so they are professionally done and won't fade like the ones I print myself. Also, before I even print them I'd want to take some specifically for selling on my parents' hay farm. I have some like this already, but a few more probably wouldn't hurt.)
2. Find (online) materials I can use to matte and package them.
3. Make business cards. I wonder if Zenfolio has a link for that.
4. Figure out how to price my pics. I don't want to start too low.
Ok, I'll probably also want to set up a Zen album with the hay pics on it so people can have a look and order them later. Or do I? My Zen account won't let me set prices, so they'd basically be paying just for the prints. Maybe I don't want to do that. Or maybe I will upgrade my account so I can boost prices.
Am I getting ahead of myself? Maybe. But maybe not. When am I going to start if I don't start now?
Could I print some photos and offer my parents' hay customers a chance to win a farm "sitting", where I would go to their farm for a few hours and take pics? They could choose to buy or not buy copies of the photos. Maybe I take pics and put them on Zen for the client, keep permissions for them, and sell them to others for retail. How in the heck would that work? Something else to think about. I need a sample contract book for photographers!
So first, pick some of my best farm photos and find packaging materials for them. Make a business card. Worry later about sales prices, when I have them ready.
Finally, I want to find a way to make my pics stand out. Anyone can take a picture of a flower or a wave. Why should someone buy mine?
Monday, September 12, 2011
But I have the best intentions...
Determination, dedication and hard work. Yes, of course. All three will surely lead to success. Someone recently hinted that I have none of these, or at least not enough to make it as a photographer or writer. Or maybe she was trying to encourage me. I guess I don't know.
Yes, you have to put in hard time to make it in any creative field. But if you don't, does that mean you're not determined, dedicated and working hard? Well, I guess if you don't do the work you're not working hard. But what about the other two? I'm determined to make it someday. The problem is, I can't predict when my death will be. Today, being in relatively good health, I certainly have all the time in the world so tomorrow works just as well.
And am I dedicated? The problem is, I'm dedicated to fear. Or, fear has bound me in "What ifs". What if I write the wrong thing and lose a follower? What if no one buys my line? Or the dreaded, what if I can't do it?
I have perfectly-thought-out responses to the first two questions - responses that I would use with my students or friends. "So what if one follower doesn't like something, you will probably gain two more." "If no one is buying your chairs (see the movie Phenomenon) then at least you have enjoyed putting them together." I know both of those things are true. But for the last question, of course, there is no answer. First of all, "do" what? Become famous? Become rich? What do those words even mean? Write every day? Take a photograph every day? Upload writing or a photo every day? Hook 20 followers? 200? If I don't even know what I'm trying to do, how do I know I haven't done it?
Maybe I should make a ladder of goals for myself so I can see exactly what it is that I am trying to do. I will also add a short description of why I want to do it or what it means to me to each rung. Maybe that will help. And I can post it here, so not only will I be able to visualize what I'm doing (always a good strategy for me), but I will also have some writing to post!
As for the title of this post, it was nearly a year ago that I set up this Blog to catch my random, ADD-inspired writing. Yes, I had good intentions. But today is a new day and I have the phone number of my one followers, so if she has forgotten about my blog I can just call her and tell her I'm starting again and I know she will read it (thanks, Mom).
One final note: we never understand our path until we've arrived. Maybe I've been doing exactly what I'm supposed to have been doing all along. I thought my teen age daughter sabotaged her employment search when she added a wrinkle to her visual presentation - she got a Mohawk. Then, fifty three weeks after she started looking and one week after the haircut, she got a job. Who knows - maybe the confidence she exuded by boasting a haircut she loved is what got her noticed. Maybe my melancholy angst and procrastination will help my journey somehow... or maybe I should just renew my ADD meds and get to work.
Yes, you have to put in hard time to make it in any creative field. But if you don't, does that mean you're not determined, dedicated and working hard? Well, I guess if you don't do the work you're not working hard. But what about the other two? I'm determined to make it someday. The problem is, I can't predict when my death will be. Today, being in relatively good health, I certainly have all the time in the world so tomorrow works just as well.
And am I dedicated? The problem is, I'm dedicated to fear. Or, fear has bound me in "What ifs". What if I write the wrong thing and lose a follower? What if no one buys my line? Or the dreaded, what if I can't do it?
I have perfectly-thought-out responses to the first two questions - responses that I would use with my students or friends. "So what if one follower doesn't like something, you will probably gain two more." "If no one is buying your chairs (see the movie Phenomenon) then at least you have enjoyed putting them together." I know both of those things are true. But for the last question, of course, there is no answer. First of all, "do" what? Become famous? Become rich? What do those words even mean? Write every day? Take a photograph every day? Upload writing or a photo every day? Hook 20 followers? 200? If I don't even know what I'm trying to do, how do I know I haven't done it?
Maybe I should make a ladder of goals for myself so I can see exactly what it is that I am trying to do. I will also add a short description of why I want to do it or what it means to me to each rung. Maybe that will help. And I can post it here, so not only will I be able to visualize what I'm doing (always a good strategy for me), but I will also have some writing to post!
As for the title of this post, it was nearly a year ago that I set up this Blog to catch my random, ADD-inspired writing. Yes, I had good intentions. But today is a new day and I have the phone number of my one followers, so if she has forgotten about my blog I can just call her and tell her I'm starting again and I know she will read it (thanks, Mom).
One final note: we never understand our path until we've arrived. Maybe I've been doing exactly what I'm supposed to have been doing all along. I thought my teen age daughter sabotaged her employment search when she added a wrinkle to her visual presentation - she got a Mohawk. Then, fifty three weeks after she started looking and one week after the haircut, she got a job. Who knows - maybe the confidence she exuded by boasting a haircut she loved is what got her noticed. Maybe my melancholy angst and procrastination will help my journey somehow... or maybe I should just renew my ADD meds and get to work.
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