Metrix

At the end of my last post, I vowed to start learning more about photography and about business. I had signed up for a free workshop that would give me access to 7000 free courses, many of them on business topics. So, Thursday, I did my Metrix workshop. I signed up to get my license and I chose my first three classes. I choose Achieving Goals through Perseverance and Resilience, Competitive Factors in Strategic Marketing, and Improving Your Image. The way it works is, you take the workshop and then they have to set up your account for you - they email your login information to you. I was concerned that it would take a few days to get my account and I would lose my momentum, but when I checked my email Thursday night, my info was ready!

I quickly logged in and started my first class - the goals one - and I quickly learned my first Metrix lesson: I suck at it. I'm not sure why. But I ended up writing down the answers and using the cheat sheet to get a high enough percentage to finally pass the damn course. What Metrix estimated as a one hour course took me almost two. Looking back, I realize that my problem started when I launched a test very early in the course and became discourage after doing poorly - I didn't realize that it was a pre-test. Also, the questions weren't simple. I had to carefully read every question and then every answer, and often I never was able to figure out exactly why some of my answers were wrong and the ones they liked were right. I think I may have been reading too much or too little into the questions - sometimes the answers I liked could have been good ones, but I was working in peripheral information and "possibilities" that, because they weren't covered by the course, weren't accepted. For example, I thought it would boost the success rate of one's goal to tell co-workers about it. Personally, I think it would help me. But Metrix said not to go boasting to others about a goal when it's not anyone else's business but yours. So my course meta-think brings me this: pay attention to the course roadmap and take into consideration each and every word in all questions AND answers. What did I learn from the course content? In the four-step process to overcome obstacles, I have only ever done the first step, which is to recognize the situation. Actually, part of step one is not taking obstacles personally. Fail. When the thing doesn't work, I just shit-can the whole thing. So of course I haven't ever gotten to step two, which is to "maintain a positive attitude... control any negative reactions... avoid making self-defeating assumptions about your abilities... challenge pessimistic beliefs... focus on successes..." and the final thing I've never done (see previous post!)... "Remember that one failure doesn't mean your goal is no longer valid or possible." Um... no wonder.

For now, my new goal is to not take obstacles personally: that's part of step one. So right now, I'm going to start my second course. I think I'll do the Marketing class. It's only two and a half hours long instead of three like the other one, and the other one looks sort of personal. I don't know if I'm ready for that yet. I just want to talk about a process right now and not about myself. Wish me luck.

But I have the best intentions...

Determination, dedication and hard work. Yes, of course. All three will surely lead to success. Someone recently hinted that I have none of these, or at least not enough to make it as a photographer or writer. Or maybe she was trying to encourage me. I guess I don't know.

Yes, you have to put in hard time to make it in any creative field. But if you don't, does that mean you're not determined, dedicated and working hard? Well, I guess if you don't do the work you're not working hard. But what about the other two? I'm determined to make it someday. The problem is, I can't predict when my death will be. Today, being in relatively good health, I certainly have all the time in the world so tomorrow works just as well.

And am I dedicated? The problem is, I'm dedicated to fear. Or, fear has  bound me in "What ifs". What if I write the wrong thing and lose a follower? What if no one buys my line? Or the dreaded, what if I can't do it?

I have perfectly-thought-out responses to the first two questions - responses that I would use with my students or friends. "So what if one follower doesn't like something, you will probably gain two more." "If no one is buying your chairs (see the movie Phenomenon) then at least you have enjoyed putting them together." I know both of those things are true. But for the last question, of course, there is no answer. First of all, "do" what? Become famous? Become rich? What do those words even mean? Write every day? Take a photograph every day? Upload writing or a photo every day? Hook 20 followers? 200? If I don't even know what I'm trying to do, how do I know I haven't done it?

Maybe I should make a ladder of goals for myself so I can see exactly what it is that I am trying to do. I will also add a short description of why I want to do it or what it means to me to each rung. Maybe that will help. And I can post it here, so not only will I be able to visualize what I'm doing (always a good strategy for me), but I will also have some writing to post!

As for the title of this post, it was nearly a year ago that I set up this Blog to catch my random, ADD-inspired writing. Yes, I had good intentions. But today is a new day and I have the phone number of my one  followers, so if she has forgotten about my blog I can just call her and tell her I'm starting again and I know she will read it (thanks, Mom).

One final note: we never understand our path until we've arrived. Maybe I've been doing exactly what I'm supposed to have been doing all along. I thought my teen age daughter sabotaged her employment search when she added a wrinkle to her visual presentation - she got a Mohawk. Then, fifty three weeks after she started looking and one week after the haircut, she got a job. Who knows - maybe the confidence she exuded by boasting a haircut she loved is what got her noticed. Maybe my melancholy angst and procrastination will help my journey somehow... or maybe I should just renew my ADD meds and get to work.